The Guardian: My movie review

In An Officer and a Gentleman, Richard Gere went flight school and clashed with drill sergeant Louis Gossett, Jr. He fell in love with the local girl Debra Winger, who he met at local military bar, lost his best friend, proved his manhood and gained mutual respect with Gossett in a boxing match, and ended the story happily ever after, graduating from the Academy, sweeping the girl off her feet, and letting love lift him up where he belongs. Tom Cruise did the whole pilot thing again in Top Gun, meeting the pretty girl at the bar who takes his breath away, clashing with almost everyone in the Academy, losing his best friend (poor Goose), and took Richard Gere one better in showing off his manhood by actually flying in a real fighter mission. This past year, it was pretty-boy Ashton Kutcher’s turn to be the tough military recruit who clashes with his instructor in The Guardian.

The first two thirds of The Guardian are pleasantly enjoyable. Kevin Costner is the aging star Coast Guard rescue diver. When (cue drama police) a rescue mission fails, and his whole team dies, Costner goes into an anguish that gets worsened by his wife’s decision to leave him and the Coast Guard commander’s decision to reassign him to train the new recruits.

The top recruit is star swimmer Ashton Kutcher, who plans on breaking all of Costner’s records. Why is an All-American swimmer with scholarship offers to Ivy League schools trying out for the Coast Guard rescue team? You’ll find out halfway through in one of those emotional scenes. Why, Ashton wonders, is a great diver like Costner assigned to the menial task of training new recruits? Don’t worry, Ashton will find out in one of those male bonding moments.

Ashton meets a girl at (yup) the local Coast Guard dive bar. A crisis comes in the boyfriend-girlfriend relationship, Ashton clashes with Costner but eventually bonds, Costner goes back to regular rescue diving, and Ashton graduates. He and the girl agree they had a fling not meant to be. So far we have a decent movie, and this would be a nice, realistic ending.

Did the movie end or did it get the Hollywood treatment? What do you think?

I’ll offer hints at the rest of the film through a series of questions. Did Ashton get assigned to Costner’s diving team? Do they go on a rescue mission together? Does Costner see that Ashton is a great rescue diver, and grudgingly admire him? Does Costner realize that he doesn’t quite have it any more and decide to retire?

Don’t stop yet. It gets better. Does Ashton get sent on a very dangerous mission that requires more divers to come in and rescue him? Does Costner, though retired, randomly happen to be in Coast Guard headquarters to hear about the crisis? Does the Coast Guard commander, realizing he needs one more diver to join the rescue team, ask Costner to come along? Does Costner say yes? If he said yes, do he and Ashton end up as the last two people being pulled up by the metal extension chord on the helicopter? Is their combined weight too great to keep it from breaking? Does Costner let go and fall to the sea, allowing Ashton to live? Does Ashton show up at the girl’s classroom (she’s a teacher), tell her he wants more than a fling, and kiss her before the credits and the uplifting song come on?

We’ve all seen this movie before. It goes by many different names, whether we call it An Officer and a Gentleman, Top Gun, Annapolis, or The Guardian. It’s more enjoyable to watch with your buddies, so you can laugh at the final scenes, than with a girl, who will probably call you insensitive while she is bawling her eyes out.

The God Delusion: My Book Review

Book Review: The God Delusion, by Richard Dawkins

“When people stop believing in God, they don’t believe in nothing. They will believe in just about anything.” Chesterton

In “The God Delusion,” Richard Dawkins sets out an epic quest to vanquish the forces of theism any and all places they may be found. To the sophisticated theologians who he in advance sees reading his book and smugly adding, “But I don’t believe in an old white bearded man in the sky, either,” Dawkins is quite refreshing in saying upfront that he doesn’t believe in any God, no matter how traditional or postmodern He is conceived. In this, he freshly brings to my mind his English writing forebear, ex-atheist and Christian convert, C.S. Lewis. Lewis recoiled at those who wished to look ‘deeper’ than the outward sign of baptism to find ‘true’ Christians, a task that in the end renders the descriptive word ‘Christian’ into a meaningless colloquialism for ‘good person.’ Likewise, Dawkins has no time for those who would turn the word ‘God’ into a synonym for any force or perceived power that they believes guides their life, as if broadening the word ‘God’ would undercut Dawkins’s critiques of belief in the Deity. If language is to help us, it must not be reduced to nonsense. For the sake of understanding, let’s leave words in their plain meaning of descriptive explanation of concepts, and avoid finding the deeper and truer senses of words that render them useless.

Following his clarification of terms, Dawkins sets out to disprove God through a study of science, particularly his own field of evolutionary biology. His task leads him to offer a hypothesis of how we could have evolved to become believers in deities, an explanation of why he believes we (both non-believers and believers) do not take our moral advice from the Bible, and a dissection of why he believes religion to be not just a harmless false pastime but an active evil needed eradication.

Imagine yourself in the middle of the desert. You come upon a pocket watch. Could this watch have come together by chance? No way. There is obviously a designer who put the pieces together to form the watch or at the very least gave the instructions to those who did build the watch. This is the basic argument from design; when we look out into the world, the places and organisms seem too complex to have come into existence without an intelligent designer.

The sun appears to go around the earth, but we now know this is not the case. Perception is not always reality. The perception of design is another falsehood. It may seem that complex organisms must come from intelligence, but in fact, Dawkins says, intelligence in an endpoint of development, not the starting point. The basic question is; is Intelligence the force propelling creation (theism)? Or, is any and all intelligence we see the end product of a process that goes according to natural scientific laws without and intelligent design (atheism)?

Dawkins here is recasting the old grade school atheist’s question; “well, if God exists, then who created God?” He can’t comprehend, despite his intelligence, witty writing style, and vast evolutionary biology knowledge, that religious people believe that there is a Being who has always existed and it is He who is behind the whole of creation we see. That is not the part of his book that needs real quibbling with. It is in his exposition of morality that he falls far short.

Dawkins points to old Levitical and Deuteronomical laws and regulations that we rightfully don’t follow today in order to point out that we don’t get our morality from Scripture. Our modern morality, he says, comes from purely Enlightenment sources. He unfortunately fails to see that Enlightenment moral principles are the attempt to adopt Christian morality and dress it up as if it came from their own analysis based on reason. Yes, Dr. Dawkins, our morality really does come from Scripture. We do not arbitrarily pick and choose it based on time specific Old Testament (or New Testament) laws, rules, and regulations. For example, the practice of masturbation, called onanism by those who want to show off their vast vocabulary with a biblical phrase, is not condemned by Christianity because of the sin of Onan. Onan, because of cultural custom, was required to marry his dead older brother’s widow Tamar. Any children begotten would be considered sons and daughters of his dead brother. Not accepting this, he chose to spill the seed outside of Tamar. His “sin” was not masturbation, but not living up to his cultural duty; a cultural duty we now rightly regard as a societal anachronism. Christianity condemns practices such as what is wrongly called onanism—and other practices such as fornication and idolatry—not because of specific condemnations scattered throughout Scripture (though they may be present), but because of general theological themes present throughout the Bible. The Church does not condemn gay marriage because of that famous “homosexuality is an abomination” phrase that rightly should be seen in its historical context of other laws requiring such absurdities as the stoning of indolent children. It condemns gay marriage because of the beautiful theological truths present, for example, in the Genesis creation stories that teach how man and woman are created for each other, and man is not complete without his companion. The Church may also condemn practices not appearing Scripture, such as abortion, nuclear war, and drive-by shootings, because she reads the implicit theological messages the Bible is richly filled with.

Dawkins is passionate in his crusade to usher the world into an enlightened age devoid of theistic belief, but, like the 1960’s predictions of the Death of God, the writings of Dawkins, Sam Harris, Daniel Dennett and friends will fade into obscurity and people mystifyingly (to the cultural elites) will remain religious, until the next generation of atheist prophets pop up again.

Quiver: a Mad Lib tale of romance and seduction

We all know a romance novel when we see one: We see a paperback cover with a beautiful vixen yearningly gazing into the eyes of an artistically drawn man in the image of Fabio. Great literature, romance novels are not. Not only do I believe that I could write one of those cheesy sleazy romance novels, I believe you can too. Below is your very own Mad Lib romance novel. Pick a word for each number, then, when you are done, transfer your words to the short story below. Some of the numbers, such as “1”, “4”, “5” and a couple others, appear more than once. Remember, no peeking at the story in advance. Most important, have fun! Oh yeah; one more thing: our story is titled Quiver, because that’s a word that sounds like it belongs in dirty romance novels.

1: verb, ends with –ing _________________

2: any color (red, green, turquoise, yellow, etc.) ______________________

3: verb, ends with –ed ________________________

4: adjective ________________________

5: any color (red, green, turquoise, yellow, etc.) ______________________

6: adjective ________________________

7: verb _________________________

8: verb _________________________

9: adjective _____________________

10: noun _______________________

11: place (river, planet, New York, Tokyo, basement, etc.) _____________________

12: verb ________________________

13: verb, ends with –ing _______________________________

14: adjective _________________________________

15: noun __________________________________

16: adjective ______________________________

17: verb, ends with –ing ___________________________

18: adjective ______________________________

19: adjective ___________________________

20: body part __________________________

21: adjective ____________________________

22: adverb ____________________________

23: body part _________________________

24: verb __________________________

25: verb ___________________________

26: adjective, ends with –ness _______________________________

27: body part __________________________________

29: adverb, ends with –ly ______________________________

30: verb, ends with –ed _________________________________

31: an amount (example: ounce, inch, meter, etc.) ____________________________

32: a state of being (example: happiness, nirvana, sadness, contentment, pleasure, etc.) __

33: a word of agreement (example: yes, okay, yeah, etc.) __________________

34: clothing item _____________________

35: a size (example: big, small, ginormous, tiny, large, etc.) _____________________

36: an object (example: bat, hammer, truck, toy, etc.) ______________________

37: sleeping place (example: bed, couch, floor, backseat, etc) _____________________

38: verb ____________________________

39: a geographical location (example: cave, crevice, tunnel, alley, etc.) _____________

40: verb ______________________________________

41: noun __________________________________

42: verb, ends with –s ____________________________


Quiver

Veronica quivered in delight at the appearance of a 1_________ man with dark 2__________ hair. She was 3____________ by his 4_________ 5___________ eyes. His 4___________ 5__________ eyes and 6____________ 7___________ unbuttoned shirt beckoned her to come closer and 8______________ him.

“Veronica!” the 1__________ man, the man of her dreams, was calling out to her, as if she was the most 9___________ woman in the world. No; it was much 10___________ than that. She had been placed upon 11_____________ to please his every 12____________. “I am 13____________ in 14__________ anticipation, my 15__________.”

“Come 16______________ to me,” excitedly exclaimed Veronica, struggling to hold inside her 17___________ arousal and anticipation. “Take my 18____________ body in your 19 _____________ arms and ravage me.”

The 1______________ man swooped his left arm around her 20________________, leaving free his right to roam 21______________ over her body. He kissed her 22_________________ while using his right hand to caress her 23_______________. Veronica felt a tingle with the 24__________ movement of his tongue, dancing in 25_______________ with her tongue, reveling in the growing 26___________ in her mouth—and down there. She reached her 27_____________ down his 28____________ chest, stopping to revel and delight in his equally 28_______________ abs, before reaching his manhood. She 29________________ stopped.

“Is something wrong?” asked the 1_______________ man, showing 30__________ concern. “My only desire is to pleasure every 31______________ of your body. I will bring you to 32______________ over and over.”

Veronica gently kissed him, as if to say “33_________! Continue!” She unzipped his 34______________ and reached her hand inside. She was delighted to grab hold of his 35______________ 36__________________. The 1____________ man gently laid Veronica on the 37________________. He 38____________ his erect 36_______________ inside her 39_____________________. Veronica quivered in ecstasy as she felt his 36_______________; his manhood; his life; moving inside of her. She reached greater levels of 40_______________ than ever before.

The next morning, she awoke, and the 1______________ man was gone. There was a box of 41_______________-covered candy and a note. Veronica’s erotic 42________________ had just begun.

Country Music: All that need be said

One of the current hit songs of country music has this refrain:

She let herself go
On a single cruise
To Vegas once
Then to Honolulu

She's taking a cruise, I see. To Vegas once. Then, to Honolulu. Last time I checked, Vegas is not only inland, but it's in the desert.

A Day in the Life of an Unemployed Twenty-Something

Most workers dream of retirement. I can picture it now; some well compensated Wall Street broker is sitting in his office, surfing the internet, pretending to work, and dreaming of that retirement pension twenty years down the road. He daydreams of sleeping in each morning, having his cup of coffee and doing the crossword at his leasure, maybe hitting the gym, stopping at the local diner to chat with his buddies, and taking his wife on Caribbean vacations two or three times a year. They never stop to think about the downside; retirement will not happen while he is somewhat young and vibrant. It will come around age sixty, along with the creaky knees and decreased energy. And, as boring as he may imagine his job to be, it does give him something to do each day. Little does he know that retirement, sitting around the house all day, gets boring.

Unlike this Wall Street worker waiting for old age to retire, I have the pleasure, just having passed my 26th birthday, of living the retired life now. That's what I call it. I am temporarily retired, self-employed, any euphemism that comes to mind to block out the truth of my real situation. Strangely, boredom has yet to set it.

My current unemployment began right before Christmas. The hustle and bustle of the holidays saved me from thinking too much about my situation. Driving home to visit my parents, helping around the house, celebrating Christmas, and going to Vermont for my birthday and New Years, all helped me ignore my current malaise. It has now been two weeks since the New Year ended (should I say began?). Life is back to normal. The process of settling into semi-retirement has begun.

What do I do to keep myself busy? Lacking internet access at home (I stay pretty thrifty; I get the basic $9.95/month cable with about 20 channels for TV), I have spent a lot of time at the local libraries, job searching online. I have visited some local businesses and schools to submit my resume. As I've come to learn, it's a lot harder to ignore a job searcher in person than online. I have done plenty of housework. Along with the regular cleaning, vacuuming, sweeping, dusting, and laundry, I insulated the basement. This many day process allowed me to listen to two interesting books on tape; I Am Charlotte Simmons and The Red Tent. I have done a lot of regular reading, too, including Richard Dawkins' The God Delusion, Garry Wills' What Jesus Meant and his What Paul Meant. I am currently reading Barack Obama's new book (if he is going to be the next President, I might as well learn about him). I'm not always Mr. Studious or Mr. Academic. For sure, I've played my fair share of video games and watched my share of TV. I completed a whole season of Madden in just the past two weeks. Each morning, I wake up with the Today Show. I feel like I am friends with Matt, Meredith, Al, and Ann. And, don't forget guest anchor Natalie Morales. She is pretty hot.

On the more impressive side, I am learning to do some real cooking. With all this extra time on my hands, I cut up tomatoes, peppers, and onions, and make my own spaghetti sauce. I am eating more fruits and vegetables, and laying off the processed foods. I have even begun writing a book. I began it this past summer, but stopped after 30 pages (single spaced), since I moved up north and had many changes in my life. I picked up writing again about two weeks ago. I have 83 pages so far. No, it is not a memoir or anything like that. It is fiction. A novel. I have no idea how to go about looking to get it published. It's just something to do for now. We'll see how it goes. But, again, this is just a summary of what's going on. What does a typical day look like for me?

I wake up around 7am each morning, and turn on the Today Show. After about 20 minutes of watching in bed, I get up, make my coffee, clean any left-over dishes, have a banana, and head down to the basement where my computer is set up. I write for about an hour. I shower, put on nice clothes, and hit the local area, resumes in head, ready to find a job. After visiting a place or two, I go to the post office to get my mail, then head to the libary to check email, internet surf, job search. I read the magazines and newspapers, maybe sign out a book or two, then, if need be, hit the grocery store. Usually I'm home by dinner time. I watch the news, cook something, have a beer or glass of wine, then do some reading. I head downstairs again to write a little bit. Once I get tired, I head back up to watch a little TV, play a game of Madden, then head to bed to watch Leno, the Daily Show, Colbert, and do a little reading before passing out.

Tomorrow, hopefully things change. I have my first interview. It is for a substitute teacher position. This won't be an everyday thing, but it will be something. It will give me some variety in my life. Maybe there will be some cute female teachers. Maybe some of the students (no, I am not interested in jailbait; keep reading) will have some older sisters in college they can introduce me to. This week, I haven't visited any sites for employment. It has been cold and snowing; I would rather just wear ski pants outside. Plus, I haven't shaved in forever and am sporting a starter beard. The beard will be gone tomorrow, when I begin anew. Wish me luck!