SPidge Tales

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

Ugly as Sin

An exciting part of living in a new neighborhood is exploring and seeing what is out there. Sunday afternoon I spent a couple hours walking around the local streets, hoping to discover potential pizza places, coffee shops, and watering holes. A block down from the end of my street is a sports bar named, I think, Andy’s. On Monday, I headed over to catch the NCAA Championship game.

It was your typical sports bar. Team regalia on the walls, two electronic dartboard games, and about 20 televisions spread out, half the TV’s tuned to ESPN2 for a baseball game and the other half showing figure skating on ESPN. The bartender must not have been paying attention. It is not enough to just put your TV on ESPN and assume that the patrons will be satisfied. Sometimes, ESPN throws a curveball and drops figure skating or national ballet championships or something else no self-respecting male would ever watch. Usually, this is done on nights when the major sporting event is a championship in baseball, basketball, or football on the network channels. Instead of trying to compete with the Super Bowl, World Series, or Final Four, ESPN throws its hands up and goes for a completely different demographic. The figure skating problem was soon remedied when a guy across the bar from me mentioned to the bartender that, though he loves figure skating, it would be nice if the bartender could be so kind as to change the channel to CBS and Florida-UCLA.

Two ladies in their thirties and, sadly, looking their age, were at the bar, and two or three younger girls, obviously with boyfriends, were at Andy’s, but other than that, it was a complete Sausage Fest. This left my attention to two things: the game on the television and the bar-food menu. The food was reasonably priced. Could this place be a diamond in the rough? Could it be one of those places that gain a word of mouth reputation for its appetizing bar food? I had my answer after glancing at the spinach and artichoke plate in front of the guy seated next to me. It looked straight from the microwave, and the salsa chips looked straight from a bag of generic Tostitos that expired last NCAA Championship game. Of course, I still ordered food myself.

The basketball game was brutal, forcing me to watch the Yankees-A’s game on YES on the other TV’s. The Yanks were up 3-0 in the 2nd with the bases loaded, and we all know what that means, right? It’s ARod time! Showing why he won the MVP over the clutch Papi last year, ARod came through with a grand slam, showing how valuable he really is. Just imagine, if he does not hit that grand slam, the Yankees win 11-2 instead of 15-2.

Yes, the game was ugly. If the Athletic pitching was any uglier, it would have been as ugly as Yankee starting pitcher Randy Johnson. I don’t mean the way he pitched. He pitched great, he usually does, hell, he’s a future Hall-of-Famer. I just mean that he is one ugly SOB. He is, if not THE, at the very least in the running for ugliest baseball player. And, no I am not gay. It does not matter whether you are gay, straight, asexual. Anyone can tell ugly. This gets me thinking; who is the ugliest player in each sport? Randy Johnson is an obvious no-brainer for baseball. Sam Cassell is the Michael Jordan of ugly NBA players. I would Sheldon Williams of Duke in college basketball. It’s like his eyes are pushing their way down to his nose, and his forehead can’t help but grow. How about the NFL? NHL? Boxing? Anything Else? I can’t think of anymore right now. Feel free to help me out. That is what the comment area is for. Just, no WWE wrestlers. It’s unfair to include them. When it comes to the birthday of ugliness, they take the cake.


Anonymous Peter Henneveld said...

Soccer player: How about Ronaldinho? Of course, there is Oliver Kahn, goalie of the German National Soccer Team; he looks like an ape. But he is relatively unknown outside of Germany.

3:02 PM  

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