SPidge Tales

Friday, March 02, 2007

An Inconvenient Poop

As I sat on the john this morning, I thought of Al Gore. I did not think of the book I was reading or the snow and freezing rain coming down outside the window (living in the woods on the river, I can leave the blinds up when doing my bathroom thing) or the load I was getting off my…umm…mind. I thought of Al Gore.

Al Gore’s An Inconvenient Truth won an Oscar for teaching us about the dangers of global warming caused by environmental degradation. Unlike the last time he got the most votes for something, this time he actually got his reward. As individuals, we can each do our part to save the earth by recycling, driving less often, and drinking more beer to save water. Attractive girls can do their part by wearing less clothing, saving our natural resources from unfortunately being turned into excess garments. But, individual efforts are not enough. Corporations need to change their policies to be more eco-friendly. Unfortunately, when this gets in the way of profits, profits always wins out. This is why the government sometimes steps in and makes environmental laws.

These laws are needed; otherwise we would never see stars at night, even in rural areas. But sometimes environmental protection and conservation goes to far, actually causing more damage than just sitting back and doing nothing. A case in point is low flow toilets. One way, environmentalists believed, to reduce excess waste (pun definitely intended) is to require low flow toilets that use less water when you flush. The problem is these low flows don’t send enough water to get everything down into the sewage. Which brings me back to my morning on the john and my thoughts of Al Gore.

I thought of Al Gore as I flushed and the brown would not make its way down. I remained appreciative of Al Gore’s environmental warnings as I thrust the plunger into the hole, clearing a pathway to flush again. There are many ways we can work to counteract the threat of global warming. But ‘energy-efficient’ toilets is not one of them. I find myself regularly using two or three courtesy flushes each visit to my favorite seat in the house, for fear of using the plunger again and again.

I will continue contemplating the duality of man as I think of ways to smuggle an old-fashioned high flow toilet from Canada while dreaming of a day when the environment is saved from the danger Al Gore predicted if we don’t act. Before I craft plans, I must make a return visit to my favorite seat in the house. My two cups of coffee have run through me, and it is time for another inconvenient poop.


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