SPidge Tales

Friday, April 13, 2007

Get Anyone to do Anything, by David Lieberman, PhD

What do women want? What do men want? David Lieberman, a man I never heard of, but a nationally recognized leader in the field of human behavior, told me (in his book) how to make people like me, how to get girls to be attracted to me, how to get people to listen to me, how to get people to do what I want, and how to win in gambling. And if I found his book at Barnes & Noble instead of the public library, he could have made $12.95 off me too.

Familiarity does NOT breed contempt, says Lieberman. We like someone more if she is around all the time. We like people who show an interest in us. And, we like people who talk to us when we are in a good mood, since it causes us to associate them with happy feelings. If you want to be liked, go up to that charming fellow, compliment him on his fashion tastes, and take your coffee break at the same time and place each day… but only on days he is smiling.

That is all well and good, but I think most of us knew that anyway, from experience. The fun part is Chapter 2, “Get Anyone to Find You Instantly Attractive.” This chapter I shall parse point by point. These are the six points: “Emotional Arousal,” “Walking Styles,” “Gazing into a Person’s Eyes,” “The Law of Contrast and Association,” “Self-Esteem and Attraction,” and “Reciprocal Liking.”

People get turned on, says Lieberman, when they engage in adrenaline building activities, like watching scary movies and riding roller coasters. If you hang out with a pretty girl (or boy) when she is doing something like this, you will automatically be more attractive to her. We are also turned on by youth, so if you walk like a young person and have good posture, this won’t hurt. Make sure, too, to gaze into the other person’s eyes. Do this and she will be instantly smitten. These all seem fine; the youth one is true for sure (I was attracted to 18-22 year old girls my freshman year of college, and I still am), I never thought about the adrenaline thing, and the eye gazing thing seems like it might be a little stalker-ish.

Point four, the “Law of Contrast and Association,” is where Lieberman gets interesting. How should I meet girls? Should I hit up the bar scene with four or five of my studly buddies, hoping to entice a beauty’s eye with attraction by association? No, says Lieberman. Bringing good-looking buddies makes you look bad in comparison.

Maybe I should go clubbing with a group of ugly friends. Would that catch a babe’s eye by making me look good in contrast? One would think so based on the previous example, but ugly friends in reality make you look worse than you are. It’s bad to go chick-hunting with Zack Morris and A.C. Slater, and it’s just as bad to look for chicks with Screech Powers.

What is the right approach to meeting women? Leave the friends at home, says Lieberman, and go out by yourself! Or, if you have to bring a wingman or two, make sure they are in your range. Nobody too handsome or too ugly.

Of course, this applies only to bringing friends of the same sex. If a guy is going to hit the town with female friends, not only can they be extremely attractive, it is best for them to be. This will make other girls find him better looking.

Point five is all about self-esteem. But, not in the way I would have thought (I have been told in real life by girls who rejected me that I don’t have enough confidence and self-esteem). Lieberman does NOT say that boosting your own self-esteem will make you more attractive to others. What he does say is someone with low self-esteem is more likely to be attracted to a person she meets. Why do you think there are so many rebound daters?

Of course! I need to seek out women with low self-esteem. The emotionally stable ladies don’t need me to make them feel good.

Point six, the final point, “Reciprocal Liking,” I completely agree with. When we find out that someone we find attractive is interested in us, we automatically find this person more appealing. This is definitely true for me personally. In high school, I had some crushes on girls who never gave me the time of day, but every romantic interest since then has been a girl I initially found pretty who, after meeting me, was nice to me, friendly, and showed an interest in getting to know me and stay in touch with me (The flip side, for me personally, is that if an unattractive person shows interest, I will still not be attracted to her).

Based on this chapter, this is what I now must do to get a girlfriend: leave my guy friends at home, call up my attractive female friends, bring them to an amusement park, walk with good posture, find a pretty girl with low self-esteem, gaze into her eyes and invite her on the roller coaster, then seal the deal by saying, “I like you.”

Once I do this, will I live happily ever after? Not so fast, says Lieberman in Chapter 4, “Get the Instant Advantage in Every Relationship.” If you are too available, she will leave you for someone more mysterious. People want what they can’t have. So make yourself distant. Always let her know that there are many other fish in the sea just waiting to be caught. She is more likely to keep vying for your love knowing she can be thrown back in the sea if need be.

Guys, if you want a girlfriend (and girls, if you want a boyfriend), follow this advice: leave your same-sex pals at home, call up the good looking opposite sex friends, go some place where you can get an adrenaline rush (or bring a case of Mountain Dew), strut like you mean it, meet that pretty person with low self-esteem, stare into her eyes, and give her a Mountain Dew or Red Bull. Make sure you finish the night by professing your undying love with the caveat that you will always keep your options open. This, my friends, is the path to true love.


Blogger Annette said...

Saved by the Bell as a reference? Brilliant. My friends use the phrase "pretty girl with low self esteem" often. So many great women we know are with mediocre men. FYI - most pretty girls I know have low self esteem, so you should give all pretty girls a shot as you try these techniques. You seem like a good guy. You shouldn't have any problems. But I think you should seriously reconsider Hot or Not. Even if you're just being irrevrent/ironic.

11:43 AM  

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